Fill the Silence

Disturb my tranquility sweet angels of love.
Wake me with laughter and shrieks of fun.
Fight just outside my bedroom door.
And jump on my bed while I sleep.

Disrupt the droning peace my darlings.
Out shout the sound of the rain and wind.
Let your imaginations cry obnoxiously
In a game of pretend princesses and dragons.

Fill the silence with more decibels than needed
In a one bedroom apartment on a lazy Sunday morning.
And sneak over and give me hugs and kisses
To melt my heart when no one else is looking.

Half of the Sky

Venus sparkles in her splendid dance
And calls me to dance with her
She's bright and beautiful
In her own half of the sky.

The moon pulls me without a word
Across the sky he watches
Frowning at her beauty
Disapproving of her dance

How far apart they seem to be
One dancing. One watching.
Yet magnificent in their essence.
Each in their half of the sky.

She sings a happy song in solitude
How I envy her happiness
Her careless song and dance
In her own illusion of strength.

The full face of the moon shines on
Watching and disapproving
Pulling me away in his sorrow
In his own half of the sky.

He longs to be closer to her charm
And I join the frown of impatience
Of jealousy. Of discontent.
Longing to be closer again.

I fade in my solitude and silence
My shining face recedes to darkness
And she dances across my tears
In my own half of the sky

Not a dream.

The emptiness expands inside my body and meets me in the morning.
Feeling rested, but somehow, not remotely renewed or refreshed.
Closing my eyes, i wish this blanket were a layer of fresh dirt and my bed a hole.
I face a day, full and inviting, with so much potential. But all I can think is:
It's not a dream.

Empty Drums

Hugs and kisses and sweet goodbyes
The noise is gone with their sweet faces
I'm left with the silent humming of the fan
And gentle drumming of my thoughts

Alone now. Truly alone.
There won't be any visitors or calls
I won't be interrupted or surprised
I can get on with my work now I suppose

But I sit here and look around
The empty room wilts in its splendor
Everything strategically adorable
And neatly undisturbed. Empty.

I close my eyes and lean my head back
Crying comes so easily in emptiness
I long to sleep, but I know I won't
So I busy myself with tasks instead

I miss them more this way
I wonder how long I'll sit silently
I wonder if the silence will change things
I wonder if I'll lose... if I'll be forgotten

I can't help but wonder as they drum
My thoughts. Loud and deliberate.
And I wish I could escape them
But they are my only comfort now

My only companion.

Less

In all the ways I asked for more
of what seems well deserved

And all the times I begged for more
of time and lips and words.

Of all the things I did demand
and never letting rest

I could have listened carefully
and done with so much less.

Ton of Bricks

Like a ton of bricks warped in from some other dimension and just as quickly vanishing, leaving you stunned and slightly throbbing at the point of impact: your heart.

 Tear filled eyes spill over only after the fact as the pain is receding and you're wondering why you're crying on such a beautiful day with so much to be grateful for.

Salt and Sadness

The sadness I feel comes and goes in violent short bursts of despair.
Short because it's silly to feel sad in such a temporary state of affairs.
Violent because I cannot control the tears and occasional sobs.
Bursts because they descend from nowhere and overwhelm my heart.

I like to think of the salt air and I wish I could taste the salty sea.
I don't know why, but it comforts me and grants me breath again.
Imagining the sand as my pillow and the waves as my blankets.
And all the sea creatures tickling my fingers and toes as I rest.

What a silly world I live in with unnecessary salt and sadness.
What a strange way I experience the emotional state of life.
To taste the salty sea on my tongue and breathe the damp air
As I fall apart for a moment before putting myself together again.

Loneliness Wins

I wonder what this heart is trying to gain.
It locks me in this cage under the stairs.
There is a sign over the door that I can't read.
But I'm certain it says "loneliness".

There are whispers that shoot past my ears.
They say things they shouldn't say.
And even though I shouldn't listen to them,
I strain to make out the words.

And all I want is out. Out of the cage.
Out from under the stairs.
Away from the whispers falling
And filling my cage with fear.

But the harder I fight the more it hurts.
The more it hurts, the deeper I cry.
The deeper I cry, the further back people stand.
And the loneliness wins.

What are you trying to gain, untrusting heart?
You are pushing the world away
In your attempts to capture them all in the grip
Of your sweating hands.

Loneliness wins.