Monday, August 10, 2009

Stupid Feelings


Walk with me in joy.
Walk with me in love.
Walk with me in pain.
Walk with me in trials.

Where did you go?

Not here.
Not enough.
Not true.

I am the least.
Emptiness is faithful.
Failures are committed.
Sorrow is authentic.

These are my friends.

I hate my friends.
I have no friends.
You are a crappy friend.
I expect too much.


Nothing makes sense.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Fire. it burns.
Fever. it taunts.
Fear. it lingers.

Burning. it hurts.
Bearing. it must
Battle. it endures.

Hurtful. it steals.
Hopeful. it fools.
Hateful. it protects.

Stolen. it closes.
Scared. it runs.
Sordid. it sulks.

Closed. it hides.
Conflicted. it fights.
Careful. it learns.

Hidden. it tries.
Holden. it grips.
Hostage. it threatens.

Try. it fails.
Tormented. it blames.
Terrified. it kills.

Failure. it cries.
Facade. it stands.
Fatigue. it falls.

Cry. it robs.
Cold. it shivers.
Clam. it sweats.

Robbed. it pleads.
Rain. it falls.
Rescue. it wants.

Please. it denies.
Past. it heals.
Poor. it teaches.

Denial. it fires.
Death. it takes.
Dust. it chokes.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Life is Beautiful

Life is beautiful. And it’s mine.
It’s full of colour and surprising events.
It hurts.
But the greater our quality of life,
The more it hurts.
So we endure the pain to reap the rewards.
And as it hurts, we smile.
Because it reminds us that we are alive.
And we are happy to be alive.

And I,
I am not like the others.
I will always see the beauty
Inspite of the pain.
Because I am strong and I am wise.

I. Am. Self. Aware.

Life is beautiful. It is what I make it.
The stress. The pounding. The shoving.
The guessing. The contradicting.
It’s only a matter of perception.
It’s all in the mind.

I, yes I, have the power to walk away from it.
And make my life
What I want it to be.

I will fall. And you will say,
“is everything okay?”
Of course it is okay. We all make mistakes.
Besides. I am the one that faultered.
It was my eyes that lost focus.

If I can stay focused, and I can,
See there? Everything is just fine.

Life is beautiful. It is my responsibility to keep it that way.
Even when it hurts.

My. Life. Is. Beautiful.
I’m sure of it.

Someone will say, “it is okay to be hurting, after all
Everyone hurts.”

Everyone hurts? Surely someone, somewhere, somehow,
Will have an answer,
Surely someone, somewhere, somehow
Will understand,
Surely someone, somewhere, somehow
Will help me,

And I will fall
Searching for someone
To help.

But no one knows what to do.

Surely, this pain will end.
Because life is beautiful.
And I am strong.
And I am not like the others.

Someone will respond, “it is okay to be hurting,
But keep it to yourself.”

Everyone hurts. Everyone struggles. Everyone fights.
Nobody shows it. Because
Is not okay.

Don’t. Show. It.

Life is beautiful. It is not fair for me to smudge the paint
Of somebody else’s painting
By complaining.

Nobody wants to know that I am hurting.
Carry on.

And I fall. And you say,
“Are you okay?”
And I say,
And I cry alone.

It is true.
I am not like the others.
I will lose this fight
To blood.

And someone will say, “Ask for help!”
but. I. did.

Life is beautiful. And should not be
Cluttered about with
People like me.

People that cannot handle
The stress. The pounding. The shoving.
The guessing. The contradicting.
It’s only a matter of perception.
It’s all in the mind.

I, yes I, am weak.
And have made my life
What it is.

A. Mess.

The greater our quality of life,
The more it hurts.
May I request a little less quality, please?
And as it hurts, I cry.
Because it reminds me that I am alive.
And I am tormented to be alive.

And I,
I am not like the others.
I will always see the beauty
In spite of the pain.
And in the end. The pain wins.
Because it hurts.
And I am weak. And I am alone.

I fall. Alone.
And no one says
I lose. The battle.
And someone says,
“She was so strong,
How could this happen?”
“We didn’t know.
Why didn’t she say something?”
“She was weak
And selfish.”

Don’t say anything.
Life is too beautiful.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A House Divided

I have two voices whispering in my eyes.
I read what they've said on each of their signs.
One whisper good things. And so does the other.
They say the same thing, but they oppose one another.

It can't be. Both good?
Going different ways?
Somebody, somebody,
Somebody, please pray.

How can I listen to what I see
When what else I see entices me?
How can I hear what is being said,
When the other keeps preaching inside my head?

There are two worlds, fighting for my life.
One wants me to live, the other wants me dead.
Both make me smile, both cause me strife
The other's a loser, both of them said.

Which is which?
From here, it's hard to tell.
All I can see is two pieces of me.
Courting me, sweetly, into Hell.

And I love them both because I love me.
And I listen to them both say that I can be free.
But I know in my heart, that this cannot be.
God, open my eyes. Help me to see.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


You ripped me open.
. You knew what you were doing.
My blood spilled and I felt things I'd never felt before.

You wanted me to feel it.
. You knew what it would do.
And it changed my life forever.

I'll never be the same.

The world in my head is now much bigger than the world itself.
And my blood spills over the edge of the table.
As it spills out of my chest.
Overflowing from my heart.

The heart you promised to heal.

I wanted to believe in something.
. I chose to believe in you.
And that challenged everything else I'd ever believed.

It also challenged what you believed.

You fought it.because it hurts to believe.
I fought back.because I could see how big the world is.
You fought harder.because you can't believe.
I fought even harder.because we have to believe.
I almost died.because I fought with a torn heart.
You didn't care.and squeezed it harder.

When it heals I will never trust again.

But it will never heal.
I will trust the men that hurt me over and over again, forever.

I miss the man I believe you are.
. The man you refuse to acknowledge.
The man that I know you are.

I pray some day you will face that man.
I pray some day I will forget that man.

Because it hurts to believe in you.
Because you don't understand how big the world really is.

And now I know why you don't want to believe.

And if I stop believing in you,
I stop believing in me.
And my ripped heart stops beating.

I relent.and I die.
There is no more blood to spill.
There is no more hurt.
I wish.I could stop believing.but I can't.

I still believe in you.