You were there
To do your duty
You gave me shelter, food
And a comfortable place to sleep
But with the waking hours
Comfort waited
And when I really needed you
You were never there.
I kept looking for you
And because I could see you
I kept thinking you were there
But you weren’t
For a long time
I told myself
He’s a good man
Doing the best he knows how
And I grew up
To be so strong
And paradoxically weak
In your absence
I stopped needing you
I stopped looking for you
I stopped asking for you
But I never stopped wanting you
And the truth is
You never abandoned me
You always loved me
You always did your best
But now I’m grown
And you feel wise
Telling me how to love
My children
And you told me
I’m doing it wrong
And that now I don’t deserve you
And neither do they
You break my heart, daddy
And I wonder
Did you ever even want me?
Was I always in the way?
Because there always
Seems to be a reason
That I don’t deserve you
No matter what I do
And I wish
That I could stop
But I don’t think I ever will
So I keep looking
