Tuesday, January 20, 2009


You ripped me open.
. You knew what you were doing.
My blood spilled and I felt things I'd never felt before.

You wanted me to feel it.
. You knew what it would do.
And it changed my life forever.

I'll never be the same.

The world in my head is now much bigger than the world itself.
And my blood spills over the edge of the table.
As it spills out of my chest.
Overflowing from my heart.

The heart you promised to heal.

I wanted to believe in something.
. I chose to believe in you.
And that challenged everything else I'd ever believed.

It also challenged what you believed.

You fought it.because it hurts to believe.
I fought back.because I could see how big the world is.
You fought harder.because you can't believe.
I fought even harder.because we have to believe.
I almost died.because I fought with a torn heart.
You didn't care.and squeezed it harder.

When it heals I will never trust again.

But it will never heal.
I will trust the men that hurt me over and over again, forever.

I miss the man I believe you are.
. The man you refuse to acknowledge.
The man that I know you are.

I pray some day you will face that man.
I pray some day I will forget that man.

Because it hurts to believe in you.
Because you don't understand how big the world really is.

And now I know why you don't want to believe.

And if I stop believing in you,
I stop believing in me.
And my ripped heart stops beating.

I relent.and I die.
There is no more blood to spill.
There is no more hurt.
I wish.I could stop believing.but I can't.

I still believe in you.