I'm afraid

I'm waking up
I'm waking up
To feel
The sun
Shining down on me.

But the air
Reminds me
With it's chill.
The air
Reminds me
Still.

The storm will come again.
The storm will come again.

And I'm afraid
Of the pain
Of the storm
Of the rain
I'm afraid

I'm afraid
I'll find myself
Standing
In the rain
Again

Though the sun
Shines
I am bound
By the freedom
By the freedom
By the freedom
I'm trying to escape.

I am so confused
So confused
By the knowledge
Understanding
Wisdom
I am trying to create.

I'm waking up
I'm waking up
To feel
The sun
Shining down on me.

The storm will come again.
The storm will come again.

And I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid

People I Love

The people I love
are people I love
because they deserve to be loved
because I love them.

I love them because
they deserve to be loved
because they are people I love
that I love.

Where I don't belong

This is where I don’t belong.
I drift because I don’t belong.

As the darkness in the room
begins to saturate my soul
I wonder why I am still lying here,
accompanied alone

I look deep into dependent eyes
of innocence and love
And I know I have to offer them
so much more than just

The things that make it comfortable
to live and wear a smile
But a soul that can be satisfied
on the passage of revile

This is where I don’t belong.
I drift because I don’t belong.

The emptiness fills up the space
I have reserved for them
The more they try to fill it up,
the more it hurts to live

The lie I breathe is haunting
every scrap of me that’s real
Questioning my judgment
for what’s yet to be revealed

The pressure is rising
As my motivation sits
And rots in wonder lest I blunder
worse I do permit

This is where I don’t belong
I drift because I don’t belong.

Is nobody listening?

Lack of Dirt

We take one moment and compact
it with seeds of passion

And warm the fever to burn the dust

Somewhere in the ground is a silver cloud

And the lining is dirt and the rain is dry

But the courtyard is troubled
with trampling and yelling

And the seeds and the sprouts
cry in pain to be left alone

But the fever expands and contracts

And the seed breaks open revealing trust

Fear falls away and a piece of me dies

Digging my elbows into the soft and moist earth

Climbing out of the ground to freedom

Yet finding bondage in the hollow
air of empty promises

I am lost in the process

Resenting, resisting, rejecting growth.

And falling limp for lack of thirst

For lack of fever

Lack of dirt

Wanting more and more and more and more

Float Up

Float up, bubble,
Being drawn down
Having drifted so far,
So high,
And now feeling the weight
Of the ground
Pull against you.

Float up, bubble.
Find wind, not too strong,
To ride back up,
So high,
And drift along
The waves of space
And freedom.

Float up, bubble,
As long as you can
And enjoy the view,
So high.
Because you will have to land
At some point
And pop.

Pair of 2s

Hello heart.
I see that you are as helpless and fragile as ever.

I see that you have once again allowed
The dormant parasite to thrive under the deception
That its poison no longer affects you.

And yet, here you are; fighting
To be freed from the bondage the parasite offers
While craving the very same.

You are alone, simple heart. All alone.
Make no mistake, you will never be free from this bondage
Until you free yourself from all bondage.

See there? Some things are not so bad to bear up under, are they?

Self preservation demands a certain amount of
The tying of hands and surrendering ones will.
The best thing for those things is this and me is that and us are those…

Clearly; alone.

And you, fragile heart, will always be alone.
But you know that.

Still the fairy tale is much nicer, isn’t it?
Eating your cake and having it too,
well it just never works out that way, now does it.

Foolish heart. You have played the same game over and over again.
Your tell remains as contrasted to its environment as it ever was.
Your hand can’t win. But it’s not that you’re bluffing. No, not at all.
It’s that you never bothered to read the cards.

Yes, willingly naïve. Alone is all it can be.

The game.

Walls.
I build them. You tear them down.

Walking back into my life with an
arrogant step and a forceful hand.
You know that I cannot resist you.
And I don’t.

I don’t even try.
Because I don’t want to resist you.
I want you as much as you pretend to want me.
And you pretend to want me
as much as I pretend to not want you.

A stupid game.
But I play, because against my own instinct,
Against my very understanding of human nature,
I want to believe that you are what I think you are.
And I believe, with all my heart, that you are.

I’m in love with you.
I wish I weren’t.

Because then I could walk away.
But it is clear.

I can never walk away.

And you hurt me.
And I build walls.
And then I tear them down for you,
And let you walk right in
And hurt me again.

Because I have to believe in something.
And if not you, then what?