Crumble Elegantly

Somewhere, deep in the caves of my mind
I turned a corner on this one without knowing

She said.
She stared blankly into the air.

Suddenly I'm scared
And I don't like being scared.
So to combat this feeling
And the destruction that comes with it
I will let go.

She imagined a frail women
Smoking elegantly
Magnetic to the eye
Yet crumbling within.

Sometimes I am strong.
But sometimes I am weak.
And that has to be okay.

She considered this for a moment.

If it's not okay
Then walk away from me
Because I am what I am.

She trailed off.
She wished it weren't so.
Today she was weak.

I make things worse

She acknowledged.

I can take a delicately beautiful flower
And crush it in my haste to see it bloom

She closed her eyes
And willed the tears away.
She knew she must let go.

It's so hard to want something so much
And not tighten your grip around it.

She reflected.

I know better.

She knew.
But it didn't help.

I Hate That

I hate that my expectations
Stretch beyond the realm of reality.
Landing somewhere amongst the clouds
Of fantasy and make believe.

I hate that my heart is empty.
I blame the cultivators of imagination.
I blame the encouragers of dreaming big
And reaching for the stars.

I hate that the Universe cannot
Contain the plans I have for myself.
Or even the plans for the plans
For the plans for myself.

I hate that fantasy fails
And emptiness reigns in my heart forever.
I hate that failure launches my hopes
Into repudiation

I hate that I know
That the problem is, in fact, me.
And that the only way to fix it
Is to fix me.

I hate that people say
That I'm wonderful and amazing as I am
Simply because they don't want to face
The truth I've discovered.

I hate that I'm right.
I'm tired of listening to my own thoughts
I'm tired of believing I'm something
That I'm not.